the different touch of love

Im confused....I always seperate them, seing two people maybe that is my mistake. I have to understand he is one man, he knows what he does when he is angry. Yet i fall for the tears and the apologies. Since the beggining. Because he doesnt hit me everyday, does that make it less of an abusive relationship? I dont know. He says he loves me very much and our son. Yet i found him taking a knife out on me and i was afraid i didnt want to believe he would hurt me.But i had my baby in my arms. He cried to me again saying how sorry he was and how much he loved me after he slapped me so hard that i could not hear for a bit. i got bruises from when he grabs me. he doesnt accept my individuality. And he often gets upset when i dont want to do as he ask. he calls me selfish. If i dont want to watch a movie with him he'll get mad most of our fight s our because of this. im so confused because now he is sweet but i just never know when he is going to be the monster that scares me.